Writing: Love-Hate-Love.

Writing and I have a love-hate-love relationship.

This post is from a series of posts in which I’m touching on the following topics:

• When I publicly put my gloves on – the BOOK.
• Watch out for your inner critic.
• Writing: Love-Hate-Love.
• Time to pay closer attention.
• AND…. When will you put YOUR gloves on?

Writing and I have a love-hate-love relationship. Journaling saw me through my cancer journey, through most of the obstacles. One obstacle, however, changed things. When my Uncle Joe passed away, along with him went my ambition to write. Journaling became a source of pain I could not tolerate. It brought my nightmares to life (you know…the ones I had repressed), and kept them alive permanently. Essentially then, I stopped writing. I picked up the armor and shield and went about routine, raising a fortress around me.

That facade worked.

Until it didn’t.

Once again, very few people know what happened when my fortress came tumbling down. I needed assistance to put the pieces back together. Fortunately, help transpired and it quickly became clear that writing was indeed my therapy, and that therapy was necessary to reconstruct my foundation which was completely demolished. I still wasn’t ready to write my story, even if it was just for myself, as most of my writing is.

If you can’t write about yourself, write about someone else.

If you can’t write for yourself, write for someone else.

Thus, a fictional character was born, and a story-line as well. Pages and pages flowed out of me for several days and nights. Sounds crazy, but, it’s true. I found it difficult to shut the inner storyteller off… Ultimately, it was an amazing experience — being in the zone, the flow state.

I have had a hard time getting past the idea of “really” telling my story. As some wounds were ripped open that weekend a year ago, I wiped away tears and stifled a cry that had such potential it would interrupt a speaker. Mannnnn…that’s vulnerability. 

But, something I realized that weekend (with the help of some fellow participants: Erica McCuen, Tom Telesco, Eric Ejw Watts, Suzanne Meyer Stearman, and Mark LaMaster, to name just a few; and speaker, Dexter Godfrey, too) is that through ‘my’ reality, my story — not the fiction one, I might be able to help others heal their hurts.

Everyone bears burdens which come

in all shapes and sizes.

Some people

carry the weight of worry,

others conceal pain,

some bury fear, and yet,

others suffer from loss of loved ones, health conditions,

and/or financial pressures.

The list goes on.

When you think about it

— everyone has a battle,

we each get the one we need to become who we’re meant to be.